Enchanted Mommy

Single Mom Seeks Love—and a Co-Parent?

Let’s get real, shall we? Being a single mom is hard work. I’m talking back-pain-at-33 hard work. And don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter! She is kind and curious and never fails to make me laugh—40 pounds of magic with a crooked front tooth and dimples I want to build a home in. 

But sometimes—when we’ve had grilled cheese for dinner yet again because I was too tired to cook after work, or when she’s sick and my cool hand on her fevered forehead doesn’t feel like enough, or when I forget to wash her tiny soccer jersey in time for her to stumble back and forth across a muddy field—I wish I didn’t have to do it alone, that there was someone else to say, “look at what we’re building together.”

Dating, though, seems harder than my hardest day as a mom. I’ve been out of the game for a while, but I’m pretty sure a single mom with stretch marks isn’t anyone’s dream girl. Finding a sitter I can trust to watch my baby girl is next to impossible; I was 15 once, and I know exactly just how many boys “helped me watch the kids” when I scored a neighborhood babysitting job.  And honestly, spending money and precious time on two hours of excruciating small talk with  Brad, Chad, or Kevin just doesn’t rev my engine, if you know what I mean. It all feels next to impossible.

But I found this study on the best cities for single parents looking for love, and y’all, it’s a gold mine. Do you want tips on where you’re most likely to find another single parent for a night on the town? The cities with the most affordable dinners for two? Hourly babysitter rates by city? It’s all there, making dating less of a burden for busy moms and dads. My own hometown of Birmingham, AL is ranked #9, which means I’m getting back out there, stretch marks and all. Ugh, but what will I wear?!  

My 2021 DIY Outdoor Entertainment Space Project

It’s official: Summer is here! And I’m spending way too much time and money trying to get the most vibey back patio in the neighborhood this summer.

It’s my favorite time of the year again. The weather’s warm, the kids are out of school, and the mouth-watering smell of a backyard barbecue is just around the corner. As our first season post-pandemic—or at least, post-vaccine—I’m determined to make this the best summer yet. And that starts with creating the perfect space to bring friends and family together. 

With this in mind, I set my sights on turning the backyard into a beautiful space for entertaining guests. I’ve been slowly adding furniture and outdoor decor to my space, and trying to save money by buying secondhand through Facebook Marketplace. I’ve spent so much time and money making my outdoor space look presentable, it’s crazy! But I recently read that 40% of Americans have spent thousands of dollars landscaping their yards, so at least I’m not alone.

Read on for more on the DIY projects I used to turn my outdoor space into a fun and idyllic gathering place!

The first project that I tackled was a simple, single post pergola. Though easy to assemble, this is a DIY project that will have guests swooning over its graceful appearance and beauty. And even better– it costs a fraction of what pergolas sell for in-stores! You can even use repurposed or reclaimed wood to bring the cost down more. 

The pergola took me a total of three days to complete. I spent two days gathering materials, reading instructions and building the frame. The third day, I took to decorating my new staple piece. I decided to use the pergola as a structure for climbing plants, and took to my local Lowe’s to buy a beautiful morning glory vine. Over time, the vines will overtake the pergola and create a stunning screen for shade and privacy.

Now that I had a gorgeous staple-piece, I switched my focus to seating. My yard already had a patio with several chairs and a table, but I wanted something with a bit more character. So, I built this outdoor bench. I never would have thought that cinder blocks, some wood and fun-colored paint would turn into such a hit, but they sure did! Guests and neighbors alike often ask where they could find such a bench, and the look on their face is priceless when I tell them how easy and affordable it is to do it yourself.

My final addition to the outdoor space was a rustic fire pit. The kids love s’mores– almost as much as us adults do! So, this project was a given. 

These three DIY projects transformed my yard into the perfect space for a summer full of fun, relaxation, good food and many reunions.

My Pitiful Perennials Helped Me Discover Botanical Gardens

We see them covering the porches of our neighbors’ houses. They’re even in our backyards. Beautiful plants and flowers! The minute the weather turns nice, everyone wants to make the outside of their homes look like a marvelous greenhouse. But of course, it isn’t always that easy. I myself have faced the trials and tribulations of keeping a plant alive. Asking the age old questions:

Am I watering them too much? 

Is the cool night time air killing them? 

How do I bring them back to life if the leaves have already wilted?

At my wits end, I decided to do some research and seek out a place nearby where I could be transported into the gorgeous scenery I was yearning for (created by people that actually know how to keep a plant alive!) We know that theme parks often have gorgeous landscaping, but I was searching for a trip that’s a little more about mom and less about the kids this time.

Not knowing I lived near one of the most popular botanical gardens, I was astounded to just see how prevalent they were across the country. It really made me want to incorporate some of these gardens into the itineraries of our upcoming summer vacations. I began looking at all of the top gardens on the list, amazed at the bright colors and blossoms of each flower, and of course thinking of all of the family pictures that could be taken.

But until we venture out on vacation this summer, I will use the pictures I’ve seen online as motivation to give my porch plants a go. Who knows, maybe one day my house will look like a mini botanical garden!

5 Family-Friendly Activities to Celebrate Earth Month

April is Earth Month which gives us all the more reason to get outside and enjoy a little extra fresh air. Especially while the pandemic rages on, the great outdoors can be a game-changing, COVID-safe setting for a family adventure. 

If you’re in need of a little inspiration of activities that will keep your kids occupied (and won’t totally break the bank), look no further. Here are our five favorite outdoor activities that are perfect for educating the whole family about the environment while taking in a little extra Vitamin D. 

Go on a Nature Walk 

Find the nearest trail or river (or even makeshift with a neighborhood sidewalk) and grab all the essentials: snacks, maps, backpacks, and water. Round up your squad and go on an exciting new adventure that you didn’t know you had in your own backyard! Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for any plants or pebbles that might be worth stopping for. 

Start a Composting Garden

Not only does composting have several benefits for the environment, it also can be a fun boredom buster for all ages. You can buy everything you need at most major home or garden shops, or double down on the adventure by making your own garden from scratch. This one is a must, especially if you live in one of the best states for composting

Explore Local Wildlife 

Your local zoo might be closed during COVID, but that doesn’t mean you can’t spot some animals this Summer. While birds and insects may be a little less exciting than a tiger or lion, read up on local creatures native to your area and make a game out of spotting and identifying the species. This will have your little ones feeling like professional zoologists in no time!  

Play an Old-School Classic Game 

Tag and capture the flag are classics for a reason. While the games we grew up playing may have been replaced by Super Mario Bros and Animal Crossing in this decade, it’s always a good time for some healthy, old-fashioned competition. Bonus points if you end the afternoon with sharing your school-aged stories from when you played these games back in the day. 

Set Up a Picnic 

It’s an unstated rule that lunch and dinner time are significantly more fun when they’re outside. Grab a blanket, basket, and of course, some delicious goodies and change up your mealtime scenery. You can head to a local park or stay on your own property, whatever you do, don’t forget the SPF and bug spray! 

We hope this list inspires you to get outside and enjoy nature with the family. Before you know it, you’ll be adding these small activities into your routine!

Hey Parents! It’s Time to Schedule that Check-Up.

Parents have certainly been put through the wringer in terms of child healthcare this year. Family contact with the coronavirus, access to nutritious meals out of school, and social development during social distancing are just a few of the complex concerns that parents have had to navigate over the past year. However, now that it’s been over a year since the beginning of the pandemic, and society is starting to return to pre-COVID-19 conditions, it may be time for an important check-up for children and their parents alike. 

A new report shows that over the past year, there has been an over 17% decrease in medical visits by Americans, primarily due to concerns of entering medical care facilities where contact with a COVID-postitive individual may occur. Furthermore, statistics show that nearly 70% of individuals have put off some form of medical care over the course of 2020 as fear of COVID-19 exposure grew in our country. 

However, as more and more individuals are vaccinated, it’s a good time to consider your child’s next check-up at the doctor. As stated in this Children’s Health Care Blog, regular check-ups aren’t just important in preventing unwanted medical issues. A regular check-up can help you and your child feel more comfortable addressing issues with medical professionals and can help ensure that your child is on the right track in terms of health and development. 

While many pediatric offices are scheduling in-person doctor’s appointments, there are also many options for pediatric telehealth to make sure that your child is at least having some sort of yearly checkup with their doctor. 

So quick, open up that calendar app and schedule your child’s yearly checkup to make sure they are happy, healthy and ready to grow!

Remote with my kids: It’s not easy being a mom, teacher, and employee

Let’s face it — learning from home hasn’t been easy on a lot of our kids, or us moms for that matter. 

From giving up recess and friends to battling WiFi mishaps and technology barriers, we really have to give the moms a round of applause for all that they’ve done. 

My sons are six and ten, two ages that require a LOT of patience and attention from Mom and Teacher. Although it’s always been wonderful to come home to my boys after a day at the office, I’ve found it difficult to navigate this work-from-home life while my kiddos are also working too.

And I’m not alone, according to the National Women’s Law Center, over 800,000 women left the workforce to look after their children between August and September of 2020. Trying to balance the demands of motherhood and the demands of a full-time career has, at times, been entirely too overwhelming. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m letting down my colleagues. Sometimes I feel like I’m letting down my boys. And almost always I feel my arms being pulled in opposite directions, all at once. 

The light in all of this is how wonderful our school district has been throughout the last year. The transition, albeit hard, was made easier because Portland has some fantastic leadership in education. We were already connected virtually before 2020, and they’ve offered classes and tutorials to teach parents about remote learning.

So I wasn’t surprised when I came across this list of the top cities for remote learning, and Portland was ranked third! 

Although I’m blessed with where I live, I’ve read countless stories from other moms trying to grapple with this new way of life. A word of encouragement: You’re doing just fine. It’s okay to be an imperfect mom and an imperfect employee. We are not superheroes, and we’re probably not going to teach third grade math as well as Mrs. Matthews. 

I can’t wait to kiss my kids goodbye at our bus stop, but for now, I’m just going to try and do my best with what 2020 and 2021 have given us. Who knows, remote learning may be here to stay in some form or another.

Searching for a Baby Name? Look Outside for Inspiration!

Every mom was once a mom-to-be and had to deal with the mountain of tasks to prepare for the arrival of their little one. There are baby books to be read and corners all over the home to be baby-proofed. And of course, the holy grail of baby preparation duties: picking a name. 

Some people turn to family names. Others pick out names from their favorite books or landmarks in their family’s story. But, personally, I’ve always been a big fan of names inspired by nature. Names of flowers, plants or natural landmarks can bring personal meaning to a name while offering a nod to natural beauty. 

In case you’re looking for some ideas for a nature-inspired name, check out this list of the most popular flower-inspired names in the past century from Spring Hill. 

According to the list, the most popular flower-inspired names in different decades-long periods were Rose (1900-1939), Susan (1940-1970), Heather (1971-1991), Jasmine (1992-2006), and Lily (2007-2019).

All these names are gorgeous and call to mind beautiful flowers, and with quite the range of popular names over the past century, you don’t have to worry too much about picking an especially common name. 

Of course, the beauty of nature names isn’t just limited to flowers! Nameberry has a great list of creative nature names that you can check out that include everything from Aspen to River to Stormy. I’ve also heard of people naming their children after national and state parks that have special meaning, like Acadia and Helen. 

Another great part about picking out a nature-themed name for your baby is that it can be such a beautiful guide for nursery decoration or future accessories and jewelry. I mean, come on, just look at this gorgeous nursery inspiration with foliage wallpaper and colorful, bird-themed mobiles. 

So here’s to thinking outside the box by thinking outdoors for your baby name!

4 Ways to Have a Christmas Merry and Bright in 2020

Did you know that Dr. Fauci confirmed Santa Claus is immune to COVID-19? 

What a relief. Because parents all over, not just in the United States, but across the world are feeling the pressure and fatigue of pandemic life. So many things are unsure, unexpected, and unprecedented. Realistically, they’re also unpredictable. That’s why it’s such a relief to know Santa Claus is immune to COVID-19 and our kids will have some kind of respite from all of the chaos the pandemic has caused. 

Although children are generally resilient, it goes without saying that they have been affected by the changes in their day-to-day lifestyle. From school closures to being unable to visit Grandma and Grandpa, our kids have been through it this year. From virtual birthday parties to skipping holidays with the whole family, traditions are largely impacted. 

That’s why this year, it’s so important to focus on the meaning of the season in order to keep spirits bright. How can we make this holiday season magical and the most wonderful time of year? 

Here are some ideas. 

  1. Create New Traditions 

Traditions, naturally, are the types of things you’d like to be able to do over and over again at the holidays because it makes them feel … well, like the holidays! But even if you’re not able to host the annual Christmas Eve Celebration at your home the way you’ve done for the last 10 years, there are still ways to make the evening special. 

You could opt to drop off cards or care packages at family members homes. You could even have a gift exchange, where everyone opens their gifts on Zoom or FaceTime. Creating new traditions will bring you and the kids together. 

Here are some more ideas for activities:

  • Christmas Karaoke
  • Make Christmas cookies
  • Create your own advent calendar
  • Build gingerbread houses
  • Read Christmas books 
  • Let the kids sleep under the tree
  1. Tell Santa the Christmas List … on Zoom! 

If you like to bring the kids to get pictures with Santa each year, or they like to go and tell Santa what’s on their Christmas List, fear not! There’s an answer for you. You can schedule time on Zoom for the kids to get to have that chat. 

Pictures at the mall with Santa may be on the “don’t” list this year. This is a great, healthy, and socially distanced alternative to get the kids time with St. Nick. 

  1. Movie Marathons 

Sure, we’ve all been watching the TV and using our devices a little bit too much this year. But what’s better than a movie marathon, complete with all of the kids’ favorite snacks and holiday treats? With these 40 Christmas movies for kids, something is definitely going to catch their attention.

One of our favorite traditions is to watch all of the Harry Potter movies between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve. 

  1. Up the Holiday Decoration Game

Whether you normally decorate a little or a lot for the holidays, this year is the perfect excuse to load up on Christmas decor. If there was ever a time for holiday decoration overload, this is it. This year, many more people decided to decorate early. In fact, 1 in 4 people are putting up their tree earlier, this year. 

Deck the halls, update your porch decor, and feel the magic of Christmas in your home. 

Don’t put the pressure on yourself to make the holidays perfect this year. Above all else, mama: you’re doing great.

How Moms can Achieve a Work/Life Balance During COVID-19

COVID-19 has changed virtually all parts of our work lives. Most of us working moms are now working remotely from home, many of us have had to pivot in our projects, and regardless of which industry we are in, personal safety and health take precedent more than ever. However, an all-too-familiar struggle for working moms persists in the fight for a work/life balance. 

The burden to help children and families navigate COVID-19 has disproportionately fallen on working mothers. Research from Syracuse University showed that over 80% of individuals taking time off from work for childcare due to COVID-19 were women. 

We all want the best for our children, but finding the right balance can be frustrating and hard. Disproportionate time away from our work could put us years behind in our professional trajectory.

Still, there are some practices we can all aspire to in order to achieve a work-life balance. 

First, share your goals with those around you.  At home, clearly communicate boundaries to your children, and ask your partner or other family members for help. At work, communicate your increased demands with your team. I was recently surprised to learn that nearly half of business industry workers reported feeling failures in maintaining family relationships due to their work. Still, on the plus side, this means that plenty of people on your work team will be able to empathize with you and work with your hectic schedule. 

Next, it’s important to set yourself up for success. If possible try to set up a space for your remote work separate from where you work as a mother. This will signal to your own brain and to those around you that you are either in work mode or mom mode, not both. 

Finally, take some time for yourself. For me, taking time to workout in the morning before my work has started or my children are awake is the best way to get in a good state of mind. It’s during alone time that I am able to set goals for work/life balance and check in on myself. 

Certainly, finding balance during this difficult time is no easy feat. But, if there’s one group of people who can find a way to juggle it all, it’s working moms. Good luck ladies!

Where You Live Matters: Looking at Children’s Healthcare Costs Across the Country

It’s no secret that American healthcare is wildly complicated, and, for many young families, intensely intimidating. When figuring out how to insure your child’s health, managing trips to clinics versus the hospital and trying to create a healthy baseline for your child with as much preventative care as possible, it can be hard to determine what’s right. A factor that adds yet another layer of complexity to the youth healthcare dilemma is cost. And certainly, taking care of kids is expensive. 

Interestingly, as pointed out in a recent study by Weiss & Paarz, a medical malpractice attorney team, where you live in the United States has major implications on the expenses associated with a child’s health. 

According to their study, the cost of healthcare for children from birth through age 18 spans over $14,300 in statewide averages across the country. 

On the low side of costs is Hawaii, where healthcare costs through age 18 average out to around $7,500. According to the Honolulu Civil Beat, Hawaii’s low healthcare costs are no accident. Per Hawaii’s 1974  Prepaid Health Care Act, all employers must provide health insurance to employees working over 20 hours a week. This means that Hawaii is generations ahead of the rest of the country in terms of healthcare accessibility and employer stipulations, helping create a healthier state, which, in turn, has lower childhood healthcare costs. 

But, as much as we’d like, not every family can up and move to Hawaii to save some money on healthcare. It may be more realistic for families to rule out states with exorbitantly high childhood healthcare costs. 

The state with the highest healthcare expenses through age 18 was Washington, D.C., where childhood healthcare expenses averaged around $21,900, over 39% above the national average. There has to be some explanation for these huge numbers. 

It just might be that everything associated with raising a child becomes more expensive D.C. lines. According to the Economic Policy Institute, Washington, D.C. has some of the highest costs of childcare across the country. The district ranked 1st of 50 states for the most expensive infant care, averaging at around $2,020 a month according to the 2019 report. Childcare costs remain high and exceed the costs associated with yearly housing and college payments for parents in the area.

Given these high costs of childcare, the costs of healthcare might appropriately match the location-specific inflation. And so, for young families looking to move near the D.C. area, living in a nearby suburb where both babysitters and routine check-ups are cheaper might be a huge budget saver. 

No matter where you live, child healthcare costs may be helped down by offering your child a healthy life, full of nutrition, exercise, and education in between doctor’s visits. So here’s to healthy kids and happy families!